Happy new month’s eve everybody.

Tomorrow is April Fool’s day. Any plans anybody?

I’ve come up with a few of the most brilliant pranks in the world. So try them out, cause some mayhem, pat a kitty, I know I will.

Prank 1 – You’ll need a large A4 piece of paper, a black pen and and some stippy take… sticky tail… sticky tape. That’s the one. Write a message on the piece of paper with the black pen, something along the lines of “Kick Me” or “Hit Me” and finally, using the stippy take… uh… sticky tape, Attach said message to some unsuspecting victim’s back.

This prank is my favourite because it works on two levels,

For One - you have your victim who will spend the entire day being hit or kicked and have no understanding as to why, they will begin to wonder if it is something they are doing and develop serious self-image problems, their self-esteem will plummet leading to alcoholism or drug problems and possibly even suicide.

For Two – You have your unsuspecting witnesses. People of the public who see this sign on your victims back and have no idea what to think. “Why would anybody want to put a sign like this on their back?” They’re think. They assume this is some sort of fetishism they have never heard of, their world isn’t so small and safe any more. Maybe they even begin to experiment, placing their own “kick me” signs on their backs. Suddenly a new cult of Kick-me-tologists begins and the world is over run by people asking for a beating in order to be closer to their god, The all powerful punching bag.

Prank 2 – You’ll need a salt shaker and access to the victim’s sugar bowl. The third ingredient is – patience. Empty out the victim’s sugar bowl and fill it full of salt. Simple as that. Then, you play the waiting game (mind you, this isn’t an actual game but a common phrase to denote waiting for an unknown period of time – I learned that the hard way)

Find a place to watch your victim where you won’t be seen or suspected. It is possible to hide in plain sight but this will restrict your ability to giggle at the folly of your victim.

The best choice for this prank is an avid coffee drinker as it won’t be a long wait until they’ll be spooning the fake sugar into their cup. Watch as they take their first unsuspecting sip only to spit it into the sink. It is this moment that your victim will glance around to see if they’re being watched – Make sure you look away or duck, in accordance to your hiding situation. Your victim will then proceed to wash their cup and attempt a new concoction, which as only you will know, is doomed to fail as well.

The funniest part of this prank comes when your victim begins to suspect, after the third or fourth attempt to make a decent cup of coffee, that something is medically wrong with them. Is it possible their taste buds have become defective or is it possible they have a tumor or brain cancer, they will think to themselves. Watch your victim as the weeks roll on and they begin to show signs of their cancer treatments. They lose their hair and energy, finally becoming sick for long periods of time. Due to many days off work, they will finally lose their job and find themselves unable to pay their bills or rent.

It is when you come across your victim on the street, bald and frail and begging for change, that you can jump up and down and yell “April Fool’s!”

Note – This prank can also be done in reverse by putting sugar in their salt shaker.

Prank 3 – Nothing at all is needed for this prank except your unsuspecting victim. All you need to do is to get your victim to run an errand for you. Ask them to run to the shop and fetch you a ‘left-handed screwdriver’ or ‘checkered paint’ or even a ‘magazine for the hearing impaired’. Tell them it is very important that you get said item. The joke is this – These items don’t actually exist!

Your victim will run from shop to shop asking the staff if they had said item, but none of them will.
Your victim will then spend the rest of his days trying to find the item for you to no success, forgetting about their own needs they will slowly become dehydrated only to collapse somewhere between shops and finally die of exhaustion or starvation.

An added bonus to this joke is that, if you plan it well, it is possible your victim from prank 2 will arrive on the scene and steal their shoes.

Merry April Fool’s Day and Happy New Ear everyone!