“Where do you get your ideas?”

This is a question that many writers are asked… Apparently.

And I hear them sigh at the “Stupid question” and attempt to explain that ideas aren’t like shoes. There isn’t a particular store that the writer goes to and picks up a new pair of ideas because they liked the strap, or their old pair of ideas got worn out from running away from crazed fans like in a Beatles music video.

But here is the real truth.

Each and every one of them do, in fact, have a secret place where they get their ideas. They just don’t want to tell you about it because you are very untrustworthy and might pilfer their ideas.

But you wouldn’t do that would you?

No.

So I’m going to tell you my big secret. Just between you and me. Where do I get my ideas? I’ll tell you.

In my backyard, underneath an old tree is a two hundred year old brick lined water well. Unbeknownst to all but me, this is no ordinary two hundred year old well centred in a fifteen year old suburb. It is a portal to a magical world full of magical creatures such as penguins who practice various forms of martial arts, bunnies who are all named Sebastian but are never confused as to who you’re talking to and horses who change colour on impact… to name just a few.

As you exit the portal you’ll find yourself in a vast forest, look around for a large yellow rock shaped like Keanu Reeves. Just next to that you’ll see a large tree with a knot in it. If you ask the tree which direction you should walk in then… Well, the squirrels will all laugh at you. Trees don’t talk. Stupid.

The squirrels, on the other hand, will be very helpful in directing you where to go. However, they won’t listen to you at all if you don’t talk in rhyme. Here is one that I have memorised -

The squirrels will take you through the forest to a clearing where stands a house built out of old Philip K Dick books. Open up the Ubik door and step inside. They serve a lovely brunch for only $4.95, and also – they serve their breakfast menu all day. That’s right, It’s a magical world. (P.s. Try the Palmer Eldritch. It’s to die for!)

After you have finished your meal and have exited in style through the bathroom window, head down the hill to the lake where the penguins swim and do tai chi. Hire a canoe from the old man with a corn cob pipe and head out across the lake. Just a note: Keep an eye out for sea monsters.

Once on the other side of the lake you’ll find yourself in a meadow of beautiful daffodils. Head to the northern most part of the meadow where it begins to raise toward the snow capped mountains. There you will find a two hundred year old brick lined water well underneath an old tree. Now, this is no ordinary two hundred year old well centred in a magical world full of creatures such as penguins who practice martial arts, bunnies who are all named Sebastian and horses who change colour on impact…

It is, in fact, a magical well. A magical well that holds every idea imaginable.

And that is where my ideas come from.