Posts Tagged ‘Silly’

Tomorrow…Tomorrow…Tomorrow.

A great man once said “Hey, who are you calling Tuesday? who stole my rabbit’s foot? it was in me sandals!”

And I think that applies here.

Tomorrow is when it all begins. I am going to start on my novel – Blue Flowers – (formerly known as Transient, Formerly known as Solitaire, Formerly known as When everyone died) – Which I’ve had in my head for years. I need to do some head emptying.

You’d think knowing the whole story line to a book would make it easier to write but – No. No it isn’t.

As the great man once said “Damned Aliens!! Those shoes with that dress? What are you thinking?”

I was bored the other day…yesterday. and I played around, making a new cover for my book now that it has a new title. I have a cover for each of my books. It’s just a bit of fun but mostly just me procrastinating… me? procrastinate? never! (wink wink, nudge nudge)

Here’s the new ‘Blue Flowers’ cover:

So back to what I was saying before -

Tomorrow…Tomorrow…Tomorrow.

Beginning tomorrow I am planning on writing 1500 words per day… everyday. and I should have a 90,000 word first draft by the 10th of April. Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “you don’t know what I’m thinking, your not psychic” and well, you’re right. But If you were thinking “you’re not going to write 1500 words per day” like you should have been thinking, then you’re right as well. but since I’m only planning on writing 70,000 words, So I think it evens it all out in the end.

Maybe.

But as the great man says “A cockroach is just a meal you haven’t eaten yet, where’s the incinerator?”

and those are words we can all live by.

I was walking down the street recently when a gorgeous woman approached me. She jumped up and down, her balloons of breasts bouncing wildly about.

“Omigod!” she said as though it was an actual word. “Omigod, Omigod, Omigod!”

I was quite confused by this and thought about running away but I was hypnotized by the to and fro swaying of her bazoombas. (to use a technical word)

“Omigod!” she said again. This was getting annoying, one more ‘omigod’ and big bazoombas or not I was out of there. “Your that guy on the internet? aren’t you? That guy who writes stuff that no one ever reads and that no one has ever heard of?”

“That sounds like me” I said. “But not for long, soon everyone will be reading my stuff.”

“No!” she stepped back in terror “People can’t start reading your stuff. That’s one of the first signs of the APOCALYPSE! Your stories are great, your prose is magnificent, your character development is amazing and added to all that you have a great ass.”

She stopped to take a deep breath. I thought for a moment that they would pop off and float up into the sky like a pair of helium balloons.

“So it’s such a pity that no one can ever find out! That is why you have been stopped from completing anything so far. The world is in a conspiracy to stop you from finishing any of your masterpieces. Your GENIUS has to be hidden from the world for all time! It has been foretold by Nostradamus and Steve the psychic!!”

“What?” I said. “Sorry, I missed that last part. from when you said that… thing… about… some… …thing.”

Somehow I had gotten distracted and forgotten to listen to what she was saying.

It was probably something about shoes.

* * * * * *

I know what your thinking. -

“That was stupid! It barley made sense! I liked the girl with the bazoombas but the guy was kind of dull, change him to a chimp – no one will know the difference.”

* * *

But here’s what’s really been happening for the passed few days. —

The second incarnation of The Nine Deaths (The first being a weird cat-monster called Fluffy Frankenstein) was a series of nine short stories in which the character named Mal always died in some way (DER!) and the stories where supposed to intertwine in some way to for a complete story… In some way, I don’t think I quite worked that part out.

anyway I wrote all nine stories and when I finally finished I pretended for a week or so that I’d actually finished a first draft.
Then I glanced at them once and decided that most of it was crap and put it away for a year or so.

The third incarnation of The Nine Deaths (or it might actually be the fourth or fifth) starts with the first chapter I wrote when I got lost on my NaNo story the other week. It’s posted here – bonk – Except for a few simple punctuation mistakes it hasn’t been edited yet. But if you want to point out some passive sentences and adverbs and other problems, well feel free…. Unless you want credit for it. Sorry but my acknowledgments page is already filled up with a picture of bazoombas.

(Note: The first scene is a ‘rewritten from memory’ version of one of the short stories.)

But then – *See last post*

Then something strange happened. Some kind anonymous person bought me an upgraded membership on writing.com for 3 months (worth around $20 U.S. – I think.)

so here’s a thank you to them. I might put something about it on my acknowledgments page… under the left bazoomba.

I thought to myself – Well Todd, (Because that’s what I call myself when I’m talking to myself. We can’t both be Jeremy, it would get confusing!)

I thought to myself – “Well, Todd, You should really put a few more things up on writing.com to make a bit of use of this persons kind gift”

“Like what, Jeremy?” I replied to myself.

“Well, why don’t you write a couple of short stories?” I said.

“Short stories? Are you mad?” I replied.

“What did you call me Todd?” I said angrily to myself.

“Yo Mama!”

“Anyway,” I tried to change the subject before Todd started rattling off every yo mama joke he had ever heard. I already knew them all. “what would I write a short story about?”

“You have a bunch of Ideas written in that little book of yours and a bunch more in those folders over there”

“I don’t know” I whined “I kind of want to keep moving on The Nine Deaths”

“well what about those old Mal Macabre short stories? a couple of them have great potential!” Todd was always the smart one.

“Your Right!” I said, capitalizing each word “I Fix Them Up And Post Them”

and so that’s what I did… although instead of being the short cut I thought it would, I put a lot into turning ‘Ascension Day’ into the twice as long ‘The Path Embrace Us’

• I would tell you to go read it but it’s down for editing right now. I’ll let you know when it’s back up.
• It probably would be if it wasn’t for my STUPID job taking up all my time.

P.S. I also began rewriting the story that the first scene of The Nine Deaths is based on. Mostly just to see how it turns out in 3rd person narrative.

* * *

When I found out last night that I’d have to do a 9 hour shift today without breaks (I am Superman!) I decided to look into making money on the internet. I didn’t find anything that would actually make me money without buying something to sell the same thing to other people by spamming everybody (I WILL NOT SPAM, BITCHES!)

But I did decide to open a store at Cafepress and sell crap. – bonk

I put some shirts up with my Faceless Logo on them and maybe I’ll put some more crap up later.
(The Faceless Logo is copyright by Jeremy Boland and Thomas the Penguin from Hell. If you steal it Thomas will eat you)

Maybe I’ll make a Thomas Shirt.

I figure if 200 people buy a shirt every week I’ll be right to live on that for a while…. HA!

* * *

There was something else….

* * *

No, I’m sure there was something else

* * *

Meh, It’ll have to wait till some other time.